The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
