Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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