he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
