It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
