he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We need to rekindle our bromance
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
