Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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