meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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