I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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