Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
