I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
