Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
