dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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