ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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