Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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