just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
