i barfeds in our rink
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
