i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize