No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
this hospital has no fireball
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
