I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
