literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
