I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Houston, we have a blender
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
