no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
