Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
