I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
