I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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