Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he shaved USA in his pubs
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
