Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
