so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
