I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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