We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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