I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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