First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
