How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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