You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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