The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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