It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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