Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
