He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Randomize
