You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we made out on top of his cat.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
sex in a hospital.. check
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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