you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
