We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
