Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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