I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
