You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When are your genitals available?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
