I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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