I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
