i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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