I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize