does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
