I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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