it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
