good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
