My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
