At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
