the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize