Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
false alarm, still single
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
