The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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