So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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