So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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