Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
