Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
