And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
