Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
