I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize