Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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