Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
