Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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