we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
