I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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