There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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