You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
