If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
